http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2172612.ece

Toothy raccoon bit off manhood

A FEISTY raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal.
Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.
Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.
“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal.
“That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with."

See, Grace? There's a example of a perfectly believable story...

Well, raccoons really are asking for it. They’ve got that mask thing going, very mysterious and alluring.

The mistake was just grabbing the thing thinking you’re just going to have your way. A raccoon has to be seduced. Put on a little smooth jazz, light a few candles, pour a little wine…

I hope the raccoon got away.

Every article I’ve seen on the matter is sparse, but I’m assuming it did. Besides, what’s the point? It was provoked to act the way it did (I’m tellin’ you, smooth jazz and candlelight would have made this work out better). There’s little that I’ve seen to suggest that it was dangerous so leave it alone.

Of course the yahoo victim might have tried to retaliate, but he probably had bigger (or smaller?) things on his mind at the time. As far as I know the raccon is fine and busy seducing other lushes.

I usually don’t revel in the misfortune of others, but this is funny, and he was asking for it. If you mess with the bull, you get the horns, as it were.

It's also satisfying to know he's receiving a series of rabies shots too...

As unpleasant as that surely is, seems like relatively small change to me.

I've had post-exposure rabies vac's for a teeny weeny nip from a baby skunk and again for airborne virus from a bat (the protocol at that time was different for bats than for other mammals. Not sure what it is now but my understanding is that its changed. Hope I never have to find out.).

Most of the shots aren't so bad but among the first series on the first day are some that are pretty uncomfortable because they're given directly into the wound. In my case, as tiny as the three breaks in the skin were, they put enough fluid into the three little wounds that my finger was swollen huge and the fluid oozed from the other punctures. They used a spray to freeze the area and it was certainly bearable but still - it wasn't much fun.

The rest of the vacs that day and subsequent weeks were all easy and were given in the hip, thigh or arm - but this jerk was in agony on that first day and I would think his pain would last a long long time as he healed.

He'll probably be able to pee again but will never do much else with what's left of that there little gherkin.

I just hope he wasn't able to do any damage to the raccoon. It does seem unlikely that he got far enough to hurt the animal before the animal fought back.

You just get as giddy as a schoolgirl about stuff like that, don't you? Is your boyfriend, husband.... whatever the fuck you got....aware of your lurid fantasies?

Barb is just upset because folks were able to figure out she doesn't have a penis when she was posting as Don Coyote or Bubba. I guess she figures if she can't have one, then nobody should.

She might have one preserved in a jar.

After she finished stomping it with those Granny Boots of hers! What would be left for the jar?

If she does, I'd bet cash money it's her husband's.

You certain it's that specific portion of anatomy?

It reminds me of a good line in Fawlty Towers. I'm going from memory, but I believe it's the episode where Sybil (my little Nest of Vipers) suspects that Basil has placed a bet on a horse race. She warns him, "You know what I'll do if I find out, right?"

He replies under his breath, "You'll have to sew them back on first."

I love British comedies. 'Allo 'Allo! is one of my favorites.

Obviously a rural racoon. He shoulda played country music and got it drunk.

I hear the Russian was married to a rehabber gal, named Booba BARBboinkavich and the raccoon had much better looking love handles that Fenetry E Eagles handler.

If you mean I'm somewhat less than sympathetic to the pervert's penis-less future, yep.
He'll never use that particular appendage to harm anyone, human or non-human, again.
Instant Karma.
Love it.

Gawd, talk about lurid fantasies, you're really just plain friggin weird. I hope YOUR handler keeps you on a short leash cuz I'd hate to think what you're capable of.

Capable of making you whine like a wolf howling at the moon any time I feel like it Barb. If you were anymore playable you could be a board game.

So you associate "penis" with "harm".

That's interesting, Barb.

While the subject of the article was at least attempting to harm something with it this particular time, and her associatng penis with harm is a bit of a stretch... pardon the pun... it's still an interesting introspection upon barb's inner workings.

Anyone still want to lay money down on my previous wager?

Think they could use her in a movie. Grumpy old Woman. Her and Ann Ramsey could play the part of two grumpy old women that hate the next door neighbor, a male stud known for his bedroom exploits. That movie could be built around how they are so disturbed that the other old gals are in a swoon over the male stud who is equally disinterested in the Grumps . Anne Ramsey would get the lead as the sexier Grump, of course. So in other words, you win XXmag.

Can't you ever just tell the truth?

I associate PERVERTS with HARM.

Don't YOU?

Not my fantasy Barb though I suspect the Russian would have still made the same choice if it was between you and the masked bandit.

Is everyone a pervert or somehow otherwise unworthy then? Because you seem to revel in harm as a general principal, as best I can tell.

Harm, in it's various forms, is your main avocation, is it not?

That's a very broad term so my answer must be; not necessarily....but it's interesting that you do.

This particular pervert didn't seem to harm anyone or anything from what I read. What's more, I don't think the eventual outcome of him having a bad day was ever in doubt. Someone tries to fuck a raccoon, my money's on the raccoon everytime.

I don't think it was a stretch. Do you really think she would have been as giddy if the raccoon had bitten his finger or scratched his face?

think she is happy ???? now if the man had been a coon hunter she would had to had changed panties .

Conjecture, but granted, a reasonable enough assumption given the evidence.




Frankie, how often do you think about barb's panties? I'm very worried about you.

Go easy on Frankie XXmag. He is trying to think of something that will keep the raptors from preying around his chicken coops.. He might have hit on a good choice if he dresses up a mannequin in those windy drawers. Only thing Frankie needs to worry about is how to get them without actually getting to know Barb to well. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I feel for you Frankie.

well ,,,,,,,,, i did ask her one time if she had pictures of her in thongs but that was years ago